Loving Your Process
Practicing Self-Compassion as a writer
One theme that comes up consistently at our writing retreats is how easy it is to lose sight of self-compassion when struggling with writer’s block.
We know other writers have dry spells. That creativity and flow can’t be forced (though they can be coaxed). That not knowing what to write next, or writing something terrible, isn’t a sign of failure, but an opportunity for growth. But knowing these things in the rational, logical side of our heads doesn’t inherently translate to treating ourselves with kindness.
Creativity is so personal and meaningful, an expression of self, of life and hope, and vulnerability, that when it isn’t going right, it often feels like utter failure. If I can’t get this right, this thing that is uniquely me, then what am I even doing, anyhow?
We are often our own worst critics.
Not everyone is plagued with creative self-doubt, and those who do often find it ebbs and flows; they feel amazing and expressive one day and unable to find the words or an ounce of motivation the next.
That’s okay. It really is. What is not okay is beating yourself up over it.
Really.
Think of all the time wasted on that spiral of negative self-doubt. Think of all the terrible things your inner critic says about your writing, your characters, your time management, whatever it picks on. Imagine saying that to your best friend. Would you? Well then, (I’m assuming here that you’ve said no), why on earth would you ever say such things to yourself?
When this comes up with the writers I coach, I have them do two things. The first is to start to pay attention to when that voice pops into their head. Is there anything consistent? Low blood sugar, not enough sleep, too much caffeine… what triggers the doubt spiral? (For me, it’s usually exhaustion or hormones.) Once you notice the pattern, you can try to work around it. Low blood sugar? Eat before opening your manuscript. Too tired? Take a quick nap, or if that isn’t possible, maybe reading for pleasure for a few minutes will be just the restoration and motivation you need.
The second thing is to start a document—paper or electronic, whichever you prefer—where you jot down your wins. For example:
I wrote 500 words today
I figured out the name of my villain
I opened my manuscript and edited a chapter, even though I didn’t want to
I thought about my book today
I looked up comp titles
I found a pen name
It’s a lot like a gratitude journal, which has been shown to drastically improve mental health and happiness, but for your creative life. Make it pretty. Post it on the wall. Or don’t. What matters is that you write down your wins, as small as they may be. Daily is amazing. As often as you can manage is just as good.
And for every moment that you stare at that blank page, remember, writer’s block is part of the process. Don’t let it own you.
Be kind. To others, and to yourself.
Always.
One thing that helps me as an artist is just knowing that self-doubt is normal, not a sign that anything's actually wrong. I'm learning to persevere past the point where I look at my work and think this is crap! Because it's okay if in the moment, it's just not finished...